Welcome to the latest edition of “replying” to search queries… oh oh one two come baby three four five!

For those who don’t know yet: These search phrases, highlighted in grey, led people here, and I neither shortened nor extended them nor made them up, I just translated the German ones.

little patsch animal
Erm, what? No animals are beaten here!

girls fucking teddybear
Certainly not here – maybe ask the expert.

THANKS DOG PORN
Neither shouting nor an early thanks will help you, you won’t get that here. Maybe ask the police dog unit, they might be able to help you. Get into jail, that is.

erotic word starting with X
Xanthippe. Well, not for me, but if there’s one thing you learn on the internet (and especially these search requests), it’s that there’s no fetish that doesn’t exist.

wear thong one week
Ewww! You really should change your underwear a little more often!

the panties are slipping here
Oh, you want your panties/thong to get sticky over time. Well, why not rather buy the correct size for you that doesn’t slip down?

www.pantyes.men.men
You never learn what URLs look like, huh?

www.Ufo and eliens.de
Not much better either.

THE HIDDEN PHYSICS OF THE DOWSING ROD
The only physics hidden in dowsing is the ideomotor effect, “a psychological phenomenon wherein a subject makes motions unconsciously” (Wikipedia). But these are hidden so well that believers don’t want to hear about it…

spiritual healing phone number
Another inexact search for a phone number… you learned nothing since last week!

i feel abashed from all this praise
Praise? There was no praise for you here!

i’m gonna teach you with my Racer Lips
Erm, what are racer lips?

Look what you’ve done with your bloody rock music; you’ve put out the sun
Oh come on, that’s just the night, music isn’t to blame for that.

best name für healer
Worst idea für healing.

god told me lottozahlen
Reason tells me das bringt nichts.

lotto numbers for 13 Dec prognosis scorpio
You can’t just predict them that easily, you must take your scorpion tail and sting randomly into the lotto playing sheet.

vincent raven writes a book
Still better than him “singing” – as long as he doesn’t turn it into an audio book. Caw!

magi.. magi you.. would you lovely name now baby.. i used to be a shadow
Nah, don’t like that magician.

ho wand de say go marchin in
Another variant of “Oh when the saints…” – thanks, dear French googler!

Hey Sweetie, I MISS You & I Love You So So So So MUCH!
Well, then come here!

Alright, got other things to do now, bye, and remember: i never let the actions of another make or break me & i NEVER let a single person shake me because honestly dont give a SHIT who hates me as long as i have my close friends by my side.

Photo: Coka – Fotolia.com