Secret Wishing Woo

peek A comment spammer recently advertised something that starts with this introduction:

What enabled Barack Obama to do what was never done before? To do what some said was impossible? To break all the odds and become the first African-American President and the most powerful man in the world?

Whichever may have played a role in this – one thing it surely wasn’t, and that’s what can be purchased there as e-book: The Law of Attraction. And like that former TV producer plays her customers for suckers with her unfortunately very successful “The Secret” based on this very same bullshit1 “law”, this vendor – named Jennifer Anders, according to the Twitter name – aptly names her stuff “TheObamaSecret”. Let’s see what she’s writing:

Exclusive Offer!
For Your Eyes Only!
Never Before Revealed Information!

Wouldn’t have minded if it had stayed that way. Hopefully the “exclusive” is correct and we won’t see this thing elsewhere – though it appears like a more common offer retrofitted with Obama’s name at the beginning and the end.

1:48 PM Monday Afternoon

Dear Friend,

Strange way to date a letter-like address – and no, I’m not a friend of mystic spammers!

What would you say if I told you that there was a way to achieve anything that you had ever wanted from life just by using the power hidden within the depths of your own mind? What if I said that I could teach you how to overcome all of your inhibitions and fears and use the laws of nature to draw success to you rather than you running after it? What would you say if I said that everything that had occurred to you in your life prior to today was entirely the result of your thoughts and actions, and everything that happens to you from here on out is entirely in your hands?

What would you say if I told you that I could teach you the secret handed down from the greatest minds of all time, reaffirmed by the spiritual leaders throughout history, and that with this information you could change your very destiny?

She’s giving the answer herself right away:

You would probably tell me that I’m crazy, that I’ve been watching far too much late night television and that I should get myself to a therapist as soon as possible.

Got it!

But what if it was the truth?

Well, if ifs and ands were pots and pans… if the dog hadn’t shitted, he would’ve caught the rabbit, like my grandpa used to say. However, my dear Jennifer or whatever your name is, things don’t become true simply because as many people as possible believe in it, especially not if the only sensible method to achieve truth as objective as possible – science – says the exact opposite. And that’s what it does, no matter what you’re writing:

[…] Sound too good to be true? I know that it sounds like the kind of thing that science fiction novels are made of, but hear me out. This is an example of the power of the mind firmly rooted in scientific fact. The laws of physics applied to the metaphysical to create the perfect blend of fact and idea. A universal law finally discovered and brought into play for the men and women of earth, applying to everyone, regardless of their age, gender or race, and carrying with it guaranteed results!

The only fact here is that you’re either a liar or empty-headed if you call this balderdash scientifically rooted. Calling it a “law” won’t change that – which, by the way, was made up many decades or even centuries ago and is not at all new.

And guaranteed results? Pshaw! Only under the condition that people wish strongly enough and think the proper thoughts, which gives you secretists (like many faith healers) always a nice excuse which also becomes inhuman when it’s about sorrow and suffering – as indicated in the text:

So much suffering could be averted if the people involved only knew the power they have hidden within their own minds!

Do I have to explicitly remind you that this can also become dangerous in case of severe illness if someone relies on wishing (or any other placebo medicine) instead of getting a proper treatment?

funny-pictures-beaver-cant-hear-you But what to expect from such miracle hucksters anyway? Also when it’s about the pretended truth, you just want to ignore all who say otherwise:

I know this sounds a little hard to believe right now, but it’s the truth, it’s always been the truth and it will always be the truth, no matter how many people try to poke holes in it.

Well, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty, the money:

I don’t want this knowledge to fall back into the hands of the already wealthy and successful just because they are the only ones that can afford it, which is why I’m offering it to you at a price much lower than anything you are going to find from my competitors.

Awww, how noble of you! And even with a 90-day money back guarantee. Hope there will be no heaps of lawsuits from your competition if you happen to have copied a bit too much directly from them.

And you can even choose if that stuff is worth $9 or $14 to you:

Because some cannot afford $14, I am offering this ebook also for $9. This is one of the ways I am using the Law of Attraction to be more like President Obama and to help make this world a better place. […]
Take advantage of this once in a lifetime opportunity to learn what President Barack Obama knows. You’ll never regret it.

And again Obama’s name is abused. Hope he’ll send Jack Bauer to these wish mongers!


Photos: sonfire/sxcicanhascheezburger

  1. in the philosophical meaning according to Harry Frankfurt, see Wikipedia []

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