“Today is full lady moon”, Wakanda says (German) (found on the BloggerAmt directory), and “today, lady moon still stands in the sign of capricorn.” (All translations mine.) Or im sagittarius, as all other astrology sites I visited (more on that below) say, only from 23:50 on, the then waning moon will be in capricorn, but then the moment of full moon at about 19:30 will be over already. But who’s gonna be that exact with all this astrology balderdash, anyway…

Ah yeah, the moon… why can’t people just be friends with the moon and leave out all the absurd interpretations? As Basti wrote (in German) in his extensive moon calendar analysis last December:

…to the human species’ credit: It’s creative. Doggone creative.

For instance, it is able to, ahead of all other animals, make up far-fetched and thus entertaining explanations for things that seem to be inexplicable at first.

How true. By the way, did you know, dear reader, that, moon-astrologically speaking, today is a “warmth day” and tomorrow a “coldness day”? At least the sites I visited agreed on that, if they use this strange classification at all – which, however, gives them a “basis” for other stuff. So turn up your heating at midnight! (Does it matter that weather services say something different?)

They give many practical tips, of course – you just must not dare to think about them more thoroughly or even compare different astrology sites, God forbid! –, for example:

Hairs, especially those cut off or removed, apparently want to grow back much slower tomorrow (“Good time to remove hairs, they will grow back only very slowly”) than today (“For your hair to grow faster, you should cut them on a warmth day”; both mondhandy.de, and, as I said, all in German and all my translation). Though mondkalender-online.de thinks tomorrow is a bad day for cutting hair, but a good day for removing hair.

But hey, recommending a perm today, mondkalender-online? On a warmth day? Are you crazy?? Since mondhandy.de knows: “Perms hold especially long if they are made on coldness days”, i.e. tomorrow! Same applies to repotting of plants, by the way, mondhandy.de tomorrow (“coldness days are well-suited for repotting indoor plants”), mondkalender-online today. Tststs…

Important: Quickly manure your plants and beds today if the server of astrowoche.de, who recommend that, is closer to your balcony or garden than the server of astrologie-er-leben.de who advise against that!

The recommendation worthiness of dry-cleaning apparently skyrockets from today to tomorrow, and to any cleaning applies: In any case, wait until after midnight with washing your clothes and your shoes, because “stains are tenacious” today (astrologie-er-leben.de), but on the other hand, tomorrow is ideal for stain removal, window cleaning, metal polishing, shoe caring, etc. (mondkalender-online.de), since, as mondhandy.de educates us, “shoes can be cleaned exceptionally well and thouroghly during a waning moon.” Then you finally can get rid of your extreme dirt like on the image on the left – phew, not another week running around with this dirt!

If you have a cellphone with you, avoid any surgery in your jaw area (since that’s what mondhandy.de = “moon cellphone” tells), otherwise trust astrologie-er-leben.de who see a good time not just for jaw surgery, but also for surgery in your breast and stomach area and any aesthetic surgery. Best thing is if you add foot, hip, heart, head, neck, shoulder, shank surgery – but by no means on the bones, joints or skin! (mondhandy.de) –, intestinal and, very important, sex organ surgery into the mix (mondkalender-online.de); if you refer to these astrology sites, your health insurance will surely pay for all of it. Definitely, the stars don’t lie, the moon even less!

But beware, keep your horny skin and your warts! Tomorrow is a very bad day for removing these, especially for the disciples of mondkalender-online.de (who say that)! Unless, of course, you use your mobile phone for that, since mondhandy.de says: “Horny skin removal is particularly easy during a waning moon.” I think a Motorola RAZR (“razor”) is suited best for this purpose.

I won’t say much about the banality of statements like “Ingest a sufficient amount of vitamins and minerals, eat much fruit and vegetables” (mondhandy.de) or “Love: Those having melancholy feelings now must find diversion – read a book, go to the movies” (astrowoche.de), which even do without an explicit moon reference; standard drivel like this can be found in droves in any horoscopes. (If, that is, one stoops to reading them, e.g. for writing posts like this one…)

So in the end, all that’s left to do is follow the “Magical tips” of Wakanda’s (who, by the way, apparently deleted my pingback below her post – is she scared her readers might be overstrained with criticism? ) and bind a wishing braid, and don’t forget, “with every look at the wishing braid you should visualize the wish woven into it as pictorially as possible. They will be granted soon” – yes, we already know that wishing is sooo simple, erm, simply bullshit (German); only Cimddology really knows the solution!