Cimddyon Water™ – New energy for you!

ci Part 3 of my little satire series about mysticism and pseudoscience…
 


THE solution for everyone who wants to help body and mind reach new performance levels!

With regular application – no, not application, that sounds too much like medicine – with regular enjoyment of our cimddologically energized water, Cimddyon Water™, [… babble something that promises heaven on earth or even better]

Through the energetically enlivened submolecular hydroxidation of the trillions-of-years-old primordial water and its new loop quantum structurization, you effortlessly overcome the gravitational effects of spatial-temporal distortion! [Nobody understands that? Fine!]

  • Jump 10 meters high – guaranteed!
    [At any rate, you can still jump 50 times 20 centimeters high.]
  • Lift a car with a single hand – guaran-damn-teed!
    [Toy cars are cars, too.]
  • Perfect for sportsmen: Pure water – absolutely not detectable by doping tests!
    [We must be in the market before the Olympics!]
  • [What to do about the lazybones unathletic ones? Ah, yes:]
    You rather work with your mind than with your body? Great, our Cimddyon Water™ also gives your brain a jump start and lifts your thoughts into undreamt of heights!
  • Also suitable for alcoholics: contains no hic particles!

no image The sale will start soon at a super special rip off introductory price – less than 0.01% of a Transrapid Maglev train line per liter! And why would you need trains anyway if you can jump great distances with absolute ease?

You are interested? You have questions? Call us and let us talk you into ask us, or pre-register without obligation: [insert extremely costly phone number here]

And already under development: Cimddyon Water™ Plus – you can even fly with it! [Drink it 39 minutes before you step into the airport… the… the central station, start yourself, erm, you basically start… your flight in the central station, er, not at all, you don’t need no airstation, airport, no ch… check-in and no ten minutes, because it is obvious, errrm.]

[Don’t forget the fine print:]

The effectiveness according to scientific criteria can never not yet be proven for all many cons glossed-over idiocies alternative methods. The same applies to the silly stuff products described in this drivel advertisement.

 

Fuck, which #&%$#$ published this draft with all annotations and corrections ?!?

 


Photo © gajatz – Fotolia.com

2 Comments
4 Trackbacks

  1. jL

    Also wenn die Anmerkungen nicht wären, hätte ich schon zum Gegenwert eines Transrapids geordert!

    Allerdings klingt es immer noch gut, also lege ich mir trotzdem einen Vorrat an :-)

  2. c

    Der Verantwortliche für die Veröffentlichung der Anmerkungen “darf” bereits Schadensersatz zahlen und wird gerade bestraft — mit 7 Tagen Stoiber-Rede rund um die Uhr. ;)

    (Gut, dass man in imaginären Firmen auch leicht imaginäre Sündenböcke findet…)

Leave a Reply to cimddwc

All inputs are optional. The e-mail address won't be published nor shared.

  • Moderation: Comments from first-time commentators must be approved manually before they appear.
  • Behave yourself! No insults, no illegal content, etc.! Should go without saying, don't you agree...?
  • Website: I don't mind blogs with ads, but purely commercial links are not welcome and will be deleted. Just like pure spam comments.
  • E-mail notification on new comments: You will have to activate this function once with a link in an automatically sent confirmation mail. These notifications can be disabled again with the link in every mail, of course.
  • Twitter: If you got a Twitter account, you can enter your Twitter name (with or without the @, doesn't matter) which will then be displayed next to any comment (including old ones) that contain the same e-mail address. (Which also means that you must fill in that e-mail field.)
  • Allowed HTML tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong> <sub> <sup> <big> <small> <u>