I recently mentioned the “Bach flower therapy” in which arbitrary 38 “spiritual states” are supposed to be healed with 38 arbitrary plant–water–alcohol mixtures. That’s of cause mystic faith-medicine crap with nothing but placebo effects.
But there are better cures! Since I’m working with computers in my job anyway, I was able to create an absolutely effective new kind of therapy which much better fits the spiritual states it heals than the bullshit from Edward Bach. I’m calling it the CimdComp Therapy:
the Cimddologic Computer Component Therapy.
That’s right, you’re not using some plant or another, but instead essential parts of modern life – the best solution in these modern times!
Warning: Use at you own risk!
Reading this post cannot replace a doctor!
In case of strong symptoms, always consult a doctor!
(↑ Blah-blah for legal reasons which nobody who uses it really believes.)
Pick the component that best fits the current state of your soul in order to cure its disharmonies:
|Component:||Helps for spiritual state:|
|Processor (modern)||Your thoughts are feeling slow.|
|Pentium processor with calculation error||You recognize: “I’m sooo predictable.”|
|Motherboard||You are suffering from an Oedipus complex.|
|Voltage converter||You’re always feeling very tense.|
|Case srew (conventional)||People tell you: “You got a screw loose!”|
|Thumbscrew||You have sadistic tendencies.|
|Window from side of case||Your exhibitionism is getting too strong.|
|Hard disk||Your spine hurts.|
|Memory module||You can’t remember things.|
|DDR memory||You’re a hopeless fan of former East Germany (DDR).|
|DDR2 memory||You’re a hopeless East Germany fan who wants to rebuild the DDR.|
|Vibration absorber||Your whole body is shivering.|
|Ink jet printer||All that graffiti on your walls makes you angry.|
|Mouse (with wire)||You feel all tied and limited in your mobility.|
|Mouse (wireless)||You are concerned about too much freedom.|
|Space bar||You think your room is too small.|
|Keys L and O||You always have to laugh out loud (*LOL*).|
You see, some components are used according to the homeopathic principle “like cures like”, others directly contain the solution. Of course it’s my trade secret how this choice was made.
Producing the Essences
First make sure the devices are no longer connected to the power outlet.
- Pick the component according to the table above and carefully remove it from the system.
- Put the component into a sufficiently sized box filled with dust such that it’s completely covered by the dust.
The dust is important because the vibrations inherent in all matter are transfered to it and dust is much more effective for this purpose than water (which also would damage the components more).
- Leave the component exactly 42 minutes in the dust and make sure it’s not hit by sunlight; then remove the component.
- Take forceps made of plastics (important! metal would spoil the effect!), pick one fluff of dust and potentiate1 it in 23 hectoliters of distilled water. Stir thoroughly with a plastic spoon for 16 minutes!
- Use a pipette to take 15 drops from it and put these into a liter bottle of vodka. Turn the bottle 8x vertically in a circle.
- Drink 4 milliliters from it.
- Your disease is cured!
Now wasn’t that easy? Isn’t that ingenious? What would you need Bach flowers, homeopathic globules or laying on hands for anymore?
- =dilute [↩]