“Ancient Knowledge of Healing and Wisdom”

That (in German) is the subtitle of a German “Witch Calendar” for 2009 (publisher: Moewig-Verlag) from a certain Anthea (not shown here on the right) that I recently bought in order to have some material… Don’t worry, I won’t inundate you in 2009 every day with that (wouldn’t work anyway since Friday to Sunday have to share a single sheet)1 – I rather thought of a “Best Of” (or rather “Worst Of”) every 1-3 weeks.

For every day (or, as mentioned, for every weekend that seems to contain the Friday, too, for witches2) there is a quote or proverb and three sections:

1. “What’s in the stars?” gives the common short horoscope platitudes, some of which rephrased for witches, and sometimes notes like the name of Thursday originating from the Germanic god Thor/Donar. The reason for putting that in this section eludes me, though. (Except for the need of putting something there, of course.)
2. “From my witch pharmacy” covers the wide array from little household remedies to food recommendations to household tips that often make you wonder how they are supposed to be related to witches – but, well, witches have to eat, drink and keep house, too…
3. “The witch year” sometimes tells something about the day, about “heathen” holidays, sometimes about the month (“August is named after […] Augustus”) or completely generic stuff (if nothing else could be found, I guess) and sometimes just dates of birth or death of arbitrary people somewhat relatet to mystic things – parapsychologists, occultists, stigmatized people, philosophers burnt at the stake, etc.

Well, they had to fill the approximately 250 sheets somehow… always the same drawings (a horoscope scribbling, a cauldron being stirred, and a witch on a broom; first on the left, then on the right) use up some additional space, too. “Witchcraft is cult!”, as the back side says, so there will probably be enough buyers for this – rather cheaply produced, I think – calendar (it was worth the 5€ to me all the same), and not just those that want to poke fun at it or criticize such “trivialities”…

(Alternatively, by the way, the same publisher also offers moon, moon-astro, angel, guardian angel and more calendars, as well as sudoku or cooking calendars.)

Example for the “witch pharmacy”:

Put scratching pullovers and sweaters briefly in the freezer. After that, wearing them is much more comfortable!

What ancient knowledge! About freezers!! That can only come from a witch’s pharmacy!

Well then,

Today, think dearly of those people from whom you have learned something essential for your life.

(From the “witch year” section for 15 Sep. Why 15 Sep? Well, who knows…)

1. and it would be legally problematic, of course [↩]
2. I should change my job… [↩]