The Mystical Meanings of Accidents (1)

Satire The mystical meanings of accidents is a highly underestimated way of overestimating events, as a search request recently reminded me. Of course the meaning strongly depends on the kind of accident, and this has to be thoroughly looked into – today I present to you the first twelve accident meanings, just like the twelve is a holy number.

Important: It’s of course significant what you were thinking in the moment of your highly personal accident! In general, the topic of your thoughts is homeoholistically potentized by the kind of the accident; this examination, however, I have to push to a later release due to its size.

Struck by lightning, survived

Let this be a warning: Zeus is angry with you because you occupy yourself too much with science and reality! Immediately start writing three books proving at least three mystic or pseudoscientific theories for a mass audience, so you can kick them evil skeptics’ ass!

Struck by lightning, dead

You’re dead. So enjoy meeting the souls of your deceased ancestors in heaven: Grandma who always fed you that terrible fish-liver oil, Gramps who always spanked you, the granduncle who always tried to drag you in his bed, great-grandpa who was scalped by the Noble Savages in the Wild West, your great-granddaughter who successfully crossed the barriers of space-time through the 5th dimension energetically, and Benjamin Franklin who’s responsible for lightning hurting people due to his scientific work.

Burn at a Christmas tree candle

Christian religion is apparently not the right one for you. Maybe you should look for an alternative, maybe try Buddhism with its incense sticks, that’s quite popular among enlightenment seekers.

Poisoned by too many incense sticks

You always have to overdo things, don’t you? Take care that you impregnate your nose chakra not with violet love energy but with left-turning orgone next time. That will surely work!

Electric shock when touching an antenna cable

Did you misprogram your personal universal matrix, or did you misunderstand the Cablellah Kaballah? Maybe take more lessons from Madonna to be sure.

Rear-end collision at red traffic light

Your body is loaded with way too much red energy – did you overdo it again with laying rubies on your root chakra? You really should re-balance yourself by taking the cyan ink tank (=complementary color!) from your printer and pour it over your head to strenghen your crown chakra!

Fall when repairing a hole in your roof

In a hole-istic point of view, it’s an extremely bad idea to close a hole – you know, that hurts the hole. So it defended itself. Hence, let the hole be a hole and go to the golf course where you can worship the green and love your green heart chakra with melissa plucked from under a bachflowering willow – these provide the best bioresonance.

Almost drowned in paddling-pool

Apparently you don’t care enough about the flow of energy in your maritim meridians, for otherwise you would have drowned in the sea, which at leased would return your energy streams to Gaia, the Living Earth. In the future, keep away from anything artificial as far as possible and live according to Mother Nature. Especially only eat vegetables from biologic-ecologic-dynamic-energetic growing because they have the most Popp-biophotons as Kirlian photos have proven time and time again.

Stumbling over a full beer bottle

A sign from fate, directly from Dionysos! Drink it up quickly and get more – your drunk way to walk will provide you with the correct vibrations and bioenergies with optimally cosmically resonant frequencies!

Stumbling over an empty beer bottle

That, too, is an important sign: In order to alter your fate, don’t drink any beer ever again – sorry I have to say that, but that is your unalterable fate –, for otherwise you won’t be able to ascend in 2012 because they won’t let you get on No-beer-u Nibiru! And that’s something you’re hoping for so very much that it has become reality to you, just like the parking space that you are always wishing for (occasionally even with success).

Cut at a fragment of a bottle of full moon water

You are not sufficiently in tune with the mystical powers of Lady Full Moon. Immediately go to a country that currently has full moon and praise La Luna with subservient middle-franconian overtone singing, then your light body might be able to re-enlighten itself with the necessary full moon energy.

Almost slain by the toilet seat of a space station

This clearly shows that your Astrodynamic is faultily manifested and you better consume lots of bioenergy in order to complete moving your Medium Coeli to the ascendent of the country the space station belongs to. You might add a urine therapy with the responsible astronaut’s urine for good measure.

Alright, these were the first twelve most important accidents and their mystical meanings, more will follow in a few days; I hope I was able to help one or the other. As you know: What’s mysticism today will be science tomorrow, because there are more things in heaven and on earth that are dreamt of in your philosophy!

» Continue to part 2


You think the stuff I made up here is too absurd and exaggerated? Then cross-read through a few mysticism forums…

Photo: Dana Heinemann/; Corel


  1. GM

    Danke, das wird mir doch sehr helfen. Druckertinte hab ich gleich ins Handschuhfach … man weiß ja nie. Gerade beim Wurzelchakratuning kann man so schnell soviel verkehrt machen. :lol:

    • c

      Hoffentlich ruiniert sich niemand durch diesen Tip – Druckertinte ist schließlich eine sehr teure Flüssigkeit…

  2. GM

    Nur was viel kostet, kann gut Energie ausgleichen. Für mein Wiwawurzelchakra ist mir nichts zu teuer . :mrgreen:

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