The Mystical Meanings of Accidents (2)

Satire This is part two of my hyperrespectable look into the mystical meanings of accidents, and like in part one I’m giving you here twelve more essential kinds of accidents.

Ironing accident

An unmistakable sign that the crinkles of your karma must urgently be ironed out. You really should lay flat on your belly and pray to all(!) hinduist gods every day and have a road roller run over you every Sunday. But make sure the road roller rolls at the correct frequency!

Swallowed a beet

This is the universe’s way to tell you that you are truly something special and that honey helps you to rebalance the Inner Truth of your BodySpirit and thus raise your consciousness by at least two comb dimensions.

Broken leg from skiing

Your ski Chi is getting weak. You should energetically purchase an energizing Chi energer device because the revolutionary technology of modern energy medicine eases the removal of your energy blockings due to the perfect combination with bloodletting and cupping of your bank account.

Pinch a finger in an atlas

You got a special relationship with an Atlantis angel – deepen it with several hours of loving prayers, then he will puff at your finger and thus animate the self-healing powers of your body. For strengthening, take the involved page of the atlas and dilute potentize it homeopathically (at least C42) in water and bathe your finger 42 hours in it, because the page and thus the water store the information that streamed out of your finger during the pinching.

Car crash on a crossroads

Crossroads? Cross! The LORD Jesus Christ loves you outstandingly! Just get a few centners of miraculous medals and holy bracelets to channel the healing power of the LORD without detour through your body!

Burn at a barbecue

You must differentiate: If flesh was grilled, the masters of the moon of the fourth season dimension want to tell you that you must become vegetarian immediately to disorient the Vashta Nerada1 (the shadows that melt the flesh). If it was a vegetarian barbecue, the fire angels are telling you that you’re on the right path and there’s no obstacle for your induction into the 27th heaven.

Bump into a door

Oh oh oh, that’s bad. The Seraphim, guardians of the gates of the worlds to the seventh dimension, won’t let you pass in 2012 if you don’t try to improve the situation immediately. Best help are probably the Maya, so watch at least 8 episodes of Maya the Bee everyday while sitting in a Mahabharata Bhakti Yoga position!

feet Trip over your own feet

A German regional word for feet or shoes is “Quanten”, and since these have a special meanings in your life, you should explain everything you do or talk about from now on with quantum mechanics – no-one really understands that anyway, thus it inevitably is the foundation of anything anyone could ever imagine. This also helps you to accelerate your soul on its quantum flight to the beyond to above the speed of light when you die, so you’ll reach the goal before those narrowminded unenlightened guys.

Falling from the changing table

You seem to have chosen the wrong mother during your reincarnation. Probably your willpower was too strongly rooted in reality and thus your karma not sufficiently bioenergized to make the holistically correct choice – so pray that your soul will be guided to a better reincarnation realm on the wings of your unborn siblings as soon as possible.

Stumbling on stairs

That’s a clear sign that you still have problems with your ascension to higher spiritual levels. You got two options: Either you train climbing stairs daily in the highest skyscrapers in the world (completely from ground to top, of course), or you move to the countryside, far from any stairs, and only deal with agriculture, because the morphic fields and acres will provide the universal connection with the desired spiritual levels.

Slipping in the shower

Probably your water was too dead to properly support your feet’s movement. Be doubly grateful (H2) to the water to notify you and give it the love (O) it needs: Trustfully consult at least different manufacturers of water revitalizing devices and buy their most expensive premium models, and immediately connect them to all water pipes in your house. Your health insurance surely will give you the credit you need as long as you wish for it really hard – you know, the Law of Attraction: the universe will give you anything and everything.

Scratched by a cat

Cats are free and independent animals. So it wanted to show you that you are neglecting your own freedom – you should take of all your clothes now (including panties), go to your boss, quit your job immediately and live a hermit’s life in Freedom, California.

These are the most important kinds of accidents. In the next part of this little series, we will see the fundamental meanings of what you were thinking when you had your highly personal accident.

» Continue to part 3


You still think the stuff I made up here is too absurd and exaggerated? So you didn’t cross-read through a few mysticism forums yet? ;)

Photo: Dana Heinemann/; Nathalie P/

  1. nothing mystical for a change, but from the TV series Doctor Who []


  1. b

    es war mir ein Vergnügen, das alles zu lesen;-)

    Dein Schi Chi schwächelt :mrgreen:

  2. GM

    Ich hab mir wirklich den Finger im Atlas eingeklemmt. Eine Beziehung zum Atlantisengel habe ich nicht, – nur Chi le geguckt, nicht Atlantis. :| Also bitte Teil 3. Ich muß wissen, was ich mir dabei gedacht habe. :mrgreen:

    • c

      Wenn du nach Chi-le geguckt hast, ist dein Chi eindeutig zu klein, eben ein “Chi-lein”. :mrgreen:

  3. jL

    Ich glaube die Vashta Nerada haben mich schon erwischt, ich fühle mich wie ein Datenecho!

    Hättest du da auch was im nächsten Teil anzubieten?

    • c

      Hmm, bisher hat mir meine Glaskugel die Vashta Nerada nur in Verbindung mit dem Barbecue offenbart – aber ich werd sie mal kräftig schütteln, vielleicht sagt sie mir dann mehr…

  4. GM

    Jaja, wer den Schaden hat, spottet jeder Beschreibung. Weiß schon. :mrgreen:

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