Another part of my satire series about mysticism and pseudoscience…
 

The cimddological super-researchers managed to discover a new chemical element with the atomic number 0.3333…! This element promises various new applications in Cimddology which will surely be beneficial to our bank accounts all of you!

As is common for chemical elements, their discoverers give them a name – we decided on Quarkcakeium. A truly delicious name for a delicate element!

We can already give a little prospect on the new possibilities:

You surely have heard about magnet underlays which are usually offered for exorbitant prices? High price, low production costs, even lower use? Just forget that mystic crap, it’s good for nothing!

Our researchy hyper scientists are already working on prototypes of our new iMayNot and iMayStillNot underlays in comfortable mattress and hammock versions with convincing effects! (Those you can foist magnet healing stuff and similar junk on can easily be convinced by us… *cough* Do you happen to be interested in franchising?)

Furthermore, according to preliminary results, Quarkcakeium apparently can also awaken prophetic abilities! One of our test subjects, after consuming 25 kilos of this miraculous substance, recited verses which easily come close to Nostradamus in terms of clarity and explicitness! Examples:

In the night it’s colder than outdoors,
The carps are flying home, of course.

or

Crouch lim colleague? Buoy, mitigate liturgy.
Phonic gazelle handwritten melt mammalian liturgy, liturgy.

With sentences like these, you really can predict anything, you just need to read into them what you want interpret them correctly!

So look forward to the future!

Blah!