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Part 6 of my little satire series about mysticism and pseudoscience…
Don’t you wish you could make every atractive person of your preferred sex undress for you? But it doesn’t work, these wishes aren’t fulfilled? The mail-order department of the universe can’t even deliver measly X-ray glasses?
The cimddological super research has found the solution:
The law of attractive distraction by undressing, as the full name goes.
Forget the ludicrous “wishing bullshit” * with the “secret” around the “law of attraction” that’s been rehashed throughout the decades and centuries over and over again, according to which you’d just have to wish for what you want, the universe would deliver it because “like attracts like” – that’s all mystical nonsense! No, only we know the ultimate truth, only we know the actual most powerful law in the universe!
Become a master of the law of distraction and successfully order everybody you meet to undress completely naked – it will work! Guaranteed!
(Well, you might have to open an S&M studio with you as dominatrix or master, but then, your customers will definitely obey you.)
Many famous personalities knew how to use the law of distraction – including illustrious names such as Giacomo Casanova, Henry VIII of England, or Leonardo da Vinci with his famous drawing of the Vitruvian Man (image on the left).
Or Thomas Alva Edison – he invented the lightbulb in order to be able to better watch his wives undressing. We could continue this list forever – Shakespeare, Victor Hugo, Goethe, Beethoven, Plato, Socrates, Newton, Einstein, to name but a few. Name-dropping always looks good, as nobody can disprove it anyway.
But also for the more simple people, well, for everyone the law of distraction by undressing works. Like Rhonda* who is burning (if not dying) to frankly show Pierre her feelings for him, who see Bärbel more as their hick – they all can capitalize on this ultra hyper powerful law! And you too!
We will show you how! In a small, affordable book series which we will launch shortly – presumably 30 volumes for a low four-digit sum (per page) –, supplemented by a similar number of DVDs, you will learn everything to masterly fake everything in your love life and every other aspect of your existence!
(Fake everything? Aren’t we the ones who fake— erm, well, enough of that.)
Bla!
* German book recommendation: “Wunsch-Bullshit im Universum: Kritik der Wunsch-Bestellungen im Universum von Rhonda Byrne, Pierre Franckh, Bätbel Mohr, Esther Hicks und Kurt Tepperwein – auf dem schmalen Grat zwischen Nicht-mehr-Satire und Noch-nicht-Wissenschaft” – which translates to “The wishing bullshit in the universe: Criticism on ordering wishes from the universe… – on the thin line between no-longer-satire and not-yet-science” by Jacky Dreksler und Hugo Egon Balder. 159 pages, Pacific Productions.
Casually and funnily written and yet well-researched by these two German comedians/producers, they tear apart that wishing stuff – just a little expensive at 17.90 €.
“Bullshit”, in this context, is also a term in philosophy describing an “opportunistic way of dealing with the truth” or that bullshitters don’t care about the truth at all in the void things they do.
Photo © Cristian Ilie Ionescu – Fotolia.com
Unfortunately, the completion of our ung unserer 
But there are better cures! Since I’m working with computers in my job anyway, I was able to create an absolutely effective new kind of therapy which much better fits the spiritual states it heals than the bullshit from Edward Bach. I’m calling it the CimdComp Therapy:
You see, some components are used according to the homeopathic principle “like cures like”, others directly contain the solution. Of course it’s my trade secret how this choice was made.