This is part two of my hyperrespectable look into the mystical meanings of accidents, and like in part one I’m giving you here twelve more essential kinds of accidents.

Ironing accident

An unmistakable sign that the crinkles of your karma must urgently be ironed out. You really should lay flat on your belly and pray to all(!) hinduist gods every day and have a road roller run over you every Sunday. But make sure the road roller rolls at the correct frequency!

Swallowed a beet

This is the universe’s way to tell you that you are truly something special and that honey helps you to rebalance the Inner Truth of your BodySpirit and thus raise your consciousness by at least two comb dimensions.

Broken leg from skiing

Your ski Chi is getting weak. You should energetically purchase an energizing Chi energer device because the revolutionary technology of modern energy medicine eases the removal of your energy blockings due to the perfect combination with bloodletting and cupping of your bank account.

Pinch a finger in an atlas

You got a special relationship with an Atlantis angel – deepen it with several hours of loving prayers, then he will puff at your finger and thus animate the self-healing powers of your body. For strengthening, take the involved page of the atlas and dilute potentize it homeopathically (at least C42) in water and bathe your finger 42 hours in it, because the page and thus the water store the information that streamed out of your finger during the pinching.

Car crash on a crossroads

Crossroads? Cross! The LORD Jesus Christ loves you outstandingly! Just get a few centners of miraculous medals and holy bracelets to channel the healing power of the LORD without detour through your body!

Burn at a barbecue

You must differentiate: If flesh was grilled, the masters of the moon of the fourth season dimension want to tell you that you must become vegetarian immediately to disorient the Vashta Nerada1 (the shadows that melt the flesh). If it was a vegetarian barbecue, the fire angels are telling you that you’re on the right path and there’s no obstacle for your induction into the 27th heaven.

Bump into a door

Oh oh oh, that’s bad. The Seraphim, guardians of the gates of the worlds to the seventh dimension, won’t let you pass in 2012 if you don’t try to improve the situation immediately. Best help are probably the Maya, so watch at least 8 episodes of Maya the Bee everyday while sitting in a Mahabharata Bhakti Yoga position!

Trip over your own feet

A German regional word for feet or shoes is “Quanten”, and since these have a special meanings in your life, you should explain everything you do or talk about from now on with quantum mechanics – no-one really understands that anyway, thus it inevitably is the foundation of anything anyone could ever imagine. This also helps you to accelerate your soul on its quantum flight to the beyond to above the speed of light when you die, so you’ll reach the goal before those narrowminded unenlightened guys.

Falling from the changing table

You seem to have chosen the wrong mother during your reincarnation. Probably your willpower was too strongly rooted in reality and thus your karma not sufficiently bioenergized to make the holistically correct choice – so pray that your soul will be guided to a better reincarnation realm on the wings of your unborn siblings as soon as possible.

Stumbling on stairs

That’s a clear sign that you still have problems with your ascension to higher spiritual levels. You got two options: Either you train climbing stairs daily in the highest skyscrapers in the world (completely from ground to top, of course), or you move to the countryside, far from any stairs, and only deal with agriculture, because the morphic fields and acres will provide the universal connection with the desired spiritual levels.

Slipping in the shower

Probably your water was too dead to properly support your feet’s movement. Be doubly grateful (H₂) to the water to notify you and give it the love (O) it needs: Trustfully consult at least different manufacturers of water revitalizing devices and buy their most expensive premium models, and immediately connect them to all water pipes in your house. Your health insurance surely will give you the credit you need as long as you wish for it really hard – you know, the Law of Attraction: the universe will give you anything and everything.

Scratched by a cat

Cats are free and independent animals. So it wanted to show you that you are neglecting your own freedom – you should take of all your clothes now (including panties), go to your boss, quit your job immediately and live a hermit’s life in Freedom, California.

These are the most important kinds of accidents. In the next part of this little series, we will see the fundamental meanings of what you were thinking when you had your highly personal accident.

» Continue to part 3

You still think the stuff I made up here is too absurd and exaggerated? So you didn’t cross-read through a few mysticism forums yet?

Photo: Dana Heinemann/Fotolia.com; Nathalie P/Fotolia.com

1. nothing mystical for a change, but from the TV series Doctor Who [↩]

The mystical meanings of accidents is a highly underestimated way of overestimating events, as a search request recently reminded me. Of course the meaning strongly depends on the kind of accident, and this has to be thoroughly looked into – today I present to you the first twelve accident meanings, just like the twelve is a holy number.

Important: It’s of course significant what you were thinking in the moment of your highly personal accident! In general, the topic of your thoughts is homeoholistically potentized by the kind of the accident; this examination, however, I have to push to a later release due to its size.

Struck by lightning, survived

Let this be a warning: Zeus is angry with you because you occupy yourself too much with science and reality! Immediately start writing three books proving at least three mystic or pseudoscientific theories for a mass audience, so you can kick them evil skeptics’ ass!

Struck by lightning, dead

You’re dead. So enjoy meeting the souls of your deceased ancestors in heaven: Grandma who always fed you that terrible fish-liver oil, Gramps who always spanked you, the granduncle who always tried to drag you in his bed, great-grandpa who was scalped by the Noble Savages in the Wild West, your great-granddaughter who successfully crossed the barriers of space-time through the 5th dimension energetically, and Benjamin Franklin who’s responsible for lightning hurting people due to his scientific work.

Burn at a Christmas tree candle

Christian religion is apparently not the right one for you. Maybe you should look for an alternative, maybe try Buddhism with its incense sticks, that’s quite popular among enlightenment seekers.

Poisoned by too many incense sticks

You always have to overdo things, don’t you? Take care that you impregnate your nose chakra not with violet love energy but with left-turning orgone next time. That will surely work!

Electric shock when touching an antenna cable

Did you misprogram your personal universal matrix, or did you misunderstand the Cablellah Kaballah? Maybe take more lessons from Madonna to be sure.

Rear-end collision at red traffic light

Your body is loaded with way too much red energy – did you overdo it again with laying rubies on your root chakra? You really should re-balance yourself by taking the cyan ink tank (=complementary color!) from your printer and pour it over your head to strenghen your crown chakra!

Fall when repairing a hole in your roof

In a hole-istic point of view, it’s an extremely bad idea to close a hole – you know, that hurts the hole. So it defended itself. Hence, let the hole be a hole and go to the golf course where you can worship the green and love your green heart chakra with melissa plucked from under a bachflowering willow – these provide the best bioresonance.

Almost drowned in paddling-pool

Apparently you don’t care enough about the flow of energy in your maritim meridians, for otherwise you would have drowned in the sea, which at leased would return your energy streams to Gaia, the Living Earth. In the future, keep away from anything artificial as far as possible and live according to Mother Nature. Especially only eat vegetables from biologic-ecologic-dynamic-energetic growing because they have the most Popp-biophotons as Kirlian photos have proven time and time again.

Stumbling over a full beer bottle

A sign from fate, directly from Dionysos! Drink it up quickly and get more – your drunk way to walk will provide you with the correct vibrations and bioenergies with optimally cosmically resonant frequencies!

Stumbling over an empty beer bottle

That, too, is an important sign: In order to alter your fate, don’t drink any beer ever again – sorry I have to say that, but that is your unalterable fate –, for otherwise you won’t be able to ascend in 2012 because they won’t let you get on No-beer-u Nibiru! And that’s something you’re hoping for so very much that it has become reality to you, just like the parking space that you are always wishing for (occasionally even with success).

Cut at a fragment of a bottle of full moon water

You are not sufficiently in tune with the mystical powers of Lady Full Moon. Immediately go to a country that currently has full moon and praise La Luna with subservient middle-franconian overtone singing, then your light body might be able to re-enlighten itself with the necessary full moon energy.

Almost slain by the toilet seat of a space station

This clearly shows that your Astrodynamic is faultily manifested and you better consume lots of bioenergy in order to complete moving your Medium Coeli to the ascendent of the country the space station belongs to. You might add a urine therapy with the responsible astronaut’s urine for good measure.

Alright, these were the first twelve most important accidents and their mystical meanings, more will follow in a few days; I hope I was able to help one or the other. As you know: What’s mysticism today will be science tomorrow, because there are more things in heaven and on earth that are dreamt of in your philosophy!

» Continue to part 2

You think the stuff I made up here is too absurd and exaggerated? Then cross-read through a few mysticism forums…

Photo: Dana Heinemann/Fotolia.com; Corel