This is the beginning of a little satire series about mysticism and pseudosciences…
Forget everything you used to know about other
pseudo- and parascieneces deceptions mumbo jumbo alternative methods – no, don’t forget it, just stop believing it – and learn about our ultimate products and technologies!
With the infallible knowledge of the Wise Elders, Unwhite Veryelders and Colorless Eldersts, the authentic myths of the Skythians, the Greek and Freaks, the Minnoans and Mickoans, combined with overhyperhighest technologies such as the latest generation of scanning-tanning superhero-force microscopes, we were able to find out how the foundation of all matter and space-time itself, the spin network is working and how to manipulate it at will!
From this, we developed the new New Science Cimddology, the analysis and manipulation of the very finest structures of our reality – better than anything before!!
- Unknot balled-up DNA strings with us and bend them in new ways – to your liking!
- Drive James away from your hydrogen bonds!
- Entangle all your quantums without the risk of entangling yourself, thus controling the flight of your quantum soul into the afterlife!
- Utilize the global or even the multiversal frequency increase to repair your watches – without any “achad, shtaim, shalosh”!
- Replace your old light body with a new energy-saving light body!
- Have your dull elemental particles sandblasted and get them a new fresh quantum-chromodynamic brillance
- And many more!!!
You think this is all a pack of lies?
Of course! No way! As any other proper pseudo- and parascience, we are of course using terms and facts from respectable, real science to give our flimflam an illusion of respectability… to make our fantasies appear real… to— well, you know what we’re trying to say. And hey, maybe we actually believe the rubbish we’re talking about ourselves!
Since we are always thoroughly honest and would never, at no times, never ever lie to you, we unfortunately have to notify you that this technologie is slightly cost-intensive.
Unfortunately it is a fact that something costs the more energy and money the smaller the objects it examines are – you get a common magnifying glass everywhere for a few bucks, a good optical microscope costs more, a CT scanner in hospitals much more, and so on. And think about the research results of many women who are said to have found a reciprocal proportionality between size/showiness (and thus cost) of cars and the size of the drivers’ genitals.
Also note that we have to finance our luxurious mansions in the Caribbean. Hence, our offers will cost a little bit, we won’t be able to change that, sorry.
Stay tuned and look forward to the many new products and services we will present to you in the upcoming weeks! Your life will never be the same again! Blablabla!!
If you like this post, why not tell your friends or anyone on Digg, del.icio.us etc. about it? (But don’t spam, of course.)
Original photo woman with tape © Dana Heinemann – Fotolia.com