Part 6 of my little satire series about mysticism and pseudoscience…
 

Don’t you wish you could make every atractive person of your preferred sex undress for you? But it doesn’t work, these wishes aren’t fulfilled? The mail-order department of the universe can’t even deliver measly X-ray glasses?

The cimddological super research has found the solution:
The law of attractive distraction by undressing, as the full name goes.

Forget the ludicrous “wishing bullshit” * with the “secret” around the “law of attraction” that’s been rehashed throughout the decades and centuries over and over again, according to which you’d just have to wish for what you want, the universe would deliver it because “like attracts like” – that’s all mystical nonsense! No, only we know the ultimate truth, only we know the actual most powerful law in the universe!

Become a master of the law of distraction and successfully order everybody you meet to undress completely naked – it will work! Guaranteed!

(Well, you might have to open an S&M studio with you as dominatrix or master, but then, your customers will definitely obey you.)

Many famous personalities knew how to use the law of distraction – including illustrious names such as Giacomo Casanova, Henry VIII of England, or Leonardo da Vinci with his famous drawing of the Vitruvian Man (image on the left).

Or Thomas Alva Edison – he invented the lightbulb in order to be able to better watch his wives undressing. We could continue this list forever – Shakespeare, Victor Hugo, Goethe, Beethoven, Plato, Socrates, Newton, Einstein, to name but a few. Name-dropping always looks good, as nobody can disprove it anyway.

But also for the more simple people, well, for everyone the law of distraction by undressing works. Like Rhonda* who is burning (if not dying) to frankly show Pierre her feelings for him, who see Bärbel more as their hick – they all can capitalize on this ultra hyper powerful law! And you too!

We will show you how! In a small, affordable book series which we will launch shortly – presumably 30 volumes for a low four-digit sum (per page) –, supplemented by a similar number of DVDs, you will learn everything to masterly fake everything in your love life and every other aspect of your existence!

(Fake everything? Aren’t we the ones who fake— erm, well, enough of that.)

Bla!

* German book recommendation: “Wunsch-Bullshit im Universum: Kritik der Wunsch-Bestellungen im Universum von Rhonda Byrne, Pierre Franckh, Bätbel Mohr, Esther Hicks und Kurt Tepperwein – auf dem schmalen Grat zwischen Nicht-mehr-Satire und Noch-nicht-Wissenschaft” – which translates to “The wishing bullshit in the universe: Criticism on ordering wishes from the universe… – on the thin line between no-longer-satire and not-yet-science” by Jacky Dreksler und Hugo Egon Balder. 159 pages, Pacific Productions.
Casually and funnily written and yet well-researched by these two German comedians/producers, they tear apart that wishing stuff – just a little expensive at 17.90 €.

“Bullshit”, in this context, is also a term in philosophy describing an “opportunistic way of dealing with the truth” or that bullshitters don’t care about the truth at all in the void things they do.

Photo © Cristian Ilie Ionescu – Fotolia.com

Part 5 of my little satire series about mysticism and pseudoscience…
 

Achieve ultimate enlightenment! Be 0.9997 with everything! Or even one!

As Master of Cimddological Enlightenment you will be able to virtually turn your thoughts into a cimddological atomic force picoscope and bend the spin network in all 26 dimensions at will! Clear the way to your innermost light!

The path to mastership leads over just a few tedious and absolutely overpriced bargain courses and seminars which really nobody anybody can afford! And the best: The first course is absolutely free of charge! * The succeeding courses will let you achieve easily step by step your 4D and 5D activation up to the 26D activation for all dimensions as well as the education to Microcim, Nanocim, Picocim etc., and at the end it’s just a little step to the European championship enlightenment mastership! Then everything is open to you:

• Take a bath in quantum foam for absolute recreation!
• Watch superstring wearers from closest distance without being noticed!
• Learn to fly without using our extremely overpriced slop our Cimddyon Water™ Plus!

As mentioned earlier, we are always deeply honest, so we have to mention that this education is a little costly – each course costs 1000x of the one before –, since we have to finance our luxury mansions in the Caribbean our research which demands a lot of material and energy.

To support your achieving ultimate cimddological enlightenment, you should also ignore have a look at our additional offers:

• You have problems finding and cleaning your chakras? Just forget that rubbish and let your chuckras find you! Yes, that’s right, you don’t need to search for your chuckras, the chuckras will find you! (For a “little” compensation, of course.)
• Use our Cimddyon massage oil – an emulsion with our well-known Cimddyon Water™ – for your massages, it guides and amplifies the vibrations and energy of your massaging body parts; best use your (bald!) head or your buttocks! Who told you that nonsense about the hands transmitting spiritual energy the best way??
• Learn to use the phases of the moon for you and e.g. impale people you don’t like with the crescent – we will show you how!

You see we won’t skip anything to give you lies solutions for all your life’s situations!

Bla!

* plus hall rent, travel, accomodation and catering. Course duration 5 seconds approx.

Photo by Stas Perov – Fotolia.com