Part 6 of my little satire series about mysticism and pseudoscience…
Don’t you wish you could make every atractive person of your preferred sex undress for you? But it doesn’t work, these wishes aren’t fulfilled? The mail-order department of the universe can’t even deliver measly X-ray glasses?
The cimddological super research has found the solution:
The law of attractive distraction by undressing, as the full name goes.
Forget the ludicrous “wishing bullshit” * with the “secret” around the “law of attraction” that’s been rehashed throughout the decades and centuries over and over again, according to which you’d just have to wish for what you want, the universe would deliver it because “like attracts like” – that’s all mystical nonsense! No, only we know the ultimate truth, only we know the actual most powerful law in the universe!
Become a master of the law of distraction and successfully order everybody you meet to undress completely naked – it will work! Guaranteed!
(Well, you might have to open an S&M studio with you as dominatrix or master, but then, your customers will definitely obey you.)
Many famous personalities knew how to use the law of distraction – including illustrious names such as Giacomo Casanova, Henry VIII of England, or Leonardo da Vinci with his famous drawing of the Vitruvian Man (image on the left).
Or Thomas Alva Edison – he invented the lightbulb in order to be able to better watch his wives undressing. We could continue this list forever – Shakespeare, Victor Hugo, Goethe, Beethoven, Plato, Socrates, Newton, Einstein, to name but a few. Name-dropping always looks good, as nobody can disprove it anyway.
But also for the more simple people, well, for everyone the law of distraction by undressing works. Like Rhonda* who is burning (if not dying) to frankly show Pierre her feelings for him, who see Bärbel more as their hick – they all can capitalize on this ultra hyper powerful law! And you too!
We will show you how! In a small, affordable book series which we will launch shortly – presumably 30 volumes for a low four-digit sum (per page) –, supplemented by a similar number of DVDs, you will learn everything to masterly fake everything in your love life and every other aspect of your existence!
(Fake everything? Aren’t we the ones who fake— erm, well, enough of that.)
Bla!
* German book recommendation: “Wunsch-Bullshit im Universum: Kritik der Wunsch-Bestellungen im Universum von Rhonda Byrne, Pierre Franckh, Bätbel Mohr, Esther Hicks und Kurt Tepperwein – auf dem schmalen Grat zwischen Nicht-mehr-Satire und Noch-nicht-Wissenschaft” – which translates to “The wishing bullshit in the universe: Criticism on ordering wishes from the universe… – on the thin line between no-longer-satire and not-yet-science” by Jacky Dreksler und Hugo Egon Balder. 159 pages, Pacific Productions.
Casually and funnily written and yet well-researched by these two German comedians/producers, they tear apart that wishing stuff – just a little expensive at 17.90 €.
“Bullshit”, in this context, is also a term in philosophy describing an “opportunistic way of dealing with the truth” or that bullshitters don’t care about the truth at all in the void things they do.
Photo © Cristian Ilie Ionescu – Fotolia.com
Achieve ultimate enlightenment! Be 0.9997 with everything! Or even one!
Your name tells more about you than you imagine! Unveil unforeseen meanings and character traits with our easy yet profound numerological analyses! Live error-free with the inerrable recommendations of our errors, erm, research results!
So let’s start unveiling of the big ti—, erm, secrets of our cimddological numerology! First step: Pick the numbers corresponding to the letters of your name from the following table (which are linked to Wikipedia; the designations appear as tooltips when the cursor hovers above them); ignore any units of measurement.
Now you are negative… You are probably a really big supervillain like Joker, Lex Luthor, Magneto & co. or have what it takes to be one – one day the entire world, maybe the entire galaxy will be at your feet!
Your glass, too, is always half empty, but you don’t hesitate to make the best out of such a situation by drinking up and ordering a fresh glass.
Either you are a 0, a dead loss – because you believe such imaginary stuff like this here or any other “numerology” –, or you’re not, but instead rightfully consider all of this null and void and read it just for fun.
You probably have suuuuch a small one* that you have to do something to compensate. You probably already are a superhero anyway (why else do you think they run around in crazy outfits and do great deeds if not for distraction?) or try to be; you probably also bought a large showy and overpriced car.
You must have a truly gigantic ego the size of an entire galactic cluster – surely you have enormous problems walking through doors.
The sale will start soon at a super special