A satire inspired by other, toootally realistic offers by a feng shui teacher at a folk high school…1
Did you know that your house number tells more about you and influences your life much deeper than you thought? Yes, numerology is a highly interesting science! The right knowledge about your house number and the appropriate measures will grant you a totally new access to it – to your life, that is, not to your house.
And you don’t have to spend 70, 80 or even 100€ per hour for it – no, I’m offering this service completely for free for your personal well-being, in order to improve my karma! (Alright, the highly recommended additional offers mentioned below are only available for cash, but so what, you owe that to yourself!)
Let’s get to the analysis of your house number – keep in mind that every number has its own emotional quality and energy!
| House number | Meaning |
|---|---|
| 1 | You lucky fellow! Your personal potential got the best prerequisites to unfold freely! Now you only must make sure to use radiesthetic measurements in order to accomplish the optimum energy level and the most harmonic energy flow! |
| 2 | You should seriously consider to tear down your house and rebuild it stritcly adhering to feng shui guidelines. Because it’s the goal of feng shui, taking into account all laws of nature, to optimally guide the flow of energy for you! |
| 3 | The only thing missing to your absolute luck are the right geomantic triangular stone placements – an ancient shaman ritual, even older than Waayatan’s magic tricks! But they must be performed at full or new moon only! |
| 4 | Houses with the number 4 are prone to many disturbance areas under the bed (since many beds have 4 feet) – unfortunately regardless of where the bed is placed. So the only option you got is to put your bed into your (feng-shui optimized!) garden or, if you got no garden (what? no garden? everyone needs a feng shui garden!!), only sleep in hammocks. |
| 5 | You tend to take everything too relaxed. That’s not good for business rooms, since you care about a good work climate, don’t you? But also for private rooms it’s important: At all costs, do use humane colors and shapes! |
| 6 | Your street number causes a hexagon in your thoughts and thus causes energetic blockades. You really have to attend a renowned spiritual healer – now I’m none myself, but I’ll certainly find one in the vicinity that I can recommend. (For a little fee.) |
| 7 | Ah, the 7, a truly msytic number! You only need just one teeny addidtinal energization of your walls, and then you can protect your living area from foreign influences – and all that without any aluminum-foil hat! |
| 8 | Octagonal tensions in your family are virtually preprogammed – only systemic family constellations will help, they will allow you to assume your position in your life systems! |
| 9 | Nine nine, erm, no no, that’s not a good number. You should immediately look for another address – but beware: first calculate the day quality to scientifically determine the best day for moving! |
| others | Look at one digit after another; if there’s a 0, potentiate your efforts regarding the recommendations of the other digit(s)! |
| with letters (e.g. 11a) |
Oh oh oh, that’s very bad for the angelic powers. Immediately put cosmic crystal mandalas on all your exterior walls and without gaps in order to request the free energies from the cosmos! These powers are available to any responsible person at any time and without costs! (Creating the correct mandalas isn’t, unfortunately.) |
| with – or / (e.g. 5/2) |
Consider it an arithmetic problem; if a number with decimals results, look at the parts before and after the decimal point separately. If you |
Remember: “Humans are not, they become …”, so finally become so harmonic and send me half your monthly income for a good feeling! You’ll see it will work! Work for me in any case, that is; it works for you if you really really belive in it!
Bla!
Photo: tsk/sxc
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